Competitive Intelligence

The Dumbest Moments in Business

Since it’s my birthday – I’m 34 today – I thought I’d keep it fun and light with Business 2.0’s "101 Dumbest Moments in Business" from its January/February 2004 issue.

If you’re not a subscriber, you can’t get to more than the top 10, but it’s worth it - a tie for first in the Two Greedy Richards gives way to more great stories of stupidity in business – here’s the excerpt:

Richard the First - In August, the board of the New York Stock Exchange decides to give CEO Dick Grasso his $139.5 million pension up front, ostensibly to save the estimated $10 million it would cost to deliver the payout at retirement. Grasso offers a succinct if not altogether satisfying explanation: "I'm blessed." When a firestorm erupts over Grasso's payday, he graciously agrees not to take another $48 million he has coming to him. Then, a week later, Grasso "resigns"—and quickly claims he was fired, which entitles him to another $58 million, including the $48 million he had promised to forgo.

Richard the Second - In October, New York attorney general Eliot Spitzer's wide-ranging investigation of the mutual-fund industry reveals that Dick Strong, the founder and chairman of Strong Financial, has made $600,000 - the equivalent of about 60 bucks to a regular working stiff - through market-timing trades contrary to his own company's rules. He's forced to resign and may have to sell his nearly 90 percent stake in the firm, valued at just under $1 billion.

In September, retail chain Urban Outfitters begins peddling Ghettopoly, a Monopoly knockoff. The top hat, shoe, and car are replaced with a machine gun, marijuana leaf, basketball, and rock of crack cocaine. Reacting to protests, Urban Outfitters pulls the game from its stores.

In August, online "social planning destination" Evite sends an apology to its users for having cited Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement, as a "reason to party" in an earlier e-mail newsletter.

In Canada, General Motors is forced to come up with a new name for its Buick LaCrosse sedan after discovering that crosse is a slang term for masturbation in Quebec.

In April, Swedish furniture giant Ikea explains that a children's bunk bed called the Gutvik is named for "a tiny town in Sweden." Announcing that bit of etymology becomes necessary when Germans point out that, in their neck of the woods, the word sounds like a phrase that means "good f***." Ikea yanks the Gutvik from its catalogs in Germany.

In November, Chrysler announces that it will sponsor the Lingerie Bowl, a football game to be played by female models airing as a pay-per-view special during halftime of the Super Bowl. After the carmaker comes under fire for the sexist nature of the event, CEO Dieter Zetsche quickly distances himself from the spectacle, claiming he had no knowledge that it was in the works. The company reportedly pressures the event's producers to change the players' uniforms, demanding that participants wear sports bras and volleyball shorts; then, a week later, it drops the event altogether.

Click the link above to buy the whole book – it’s fun reading. Maybe somebody’ll send it to me for my birthday…?

- Arik